I am middle-aged. What this means exactly I am not sure.

I understand in terms that given general life-expectancy for a European of my socio-economic class I am in the mid range of years. But it’s the other elements associated with mid-life that I have issues with.

I think of phrases like “mid-life crisis” which hints at the evaluation that occurs in this mid range of years. I think about how I have lived half my time – and what have I truly accomplished? I think about my role as an individual, as part of a community and and as part of  society. And this rarely looks good.

I realise that in the structure of this world I am a worker ant – a cog in a machine – a grain of sand on a beach. The whole feeling of how small I am and how little I will change anything is crippling. It splinters my soul.

Welcome to my mid-life disillusionment.